Newsbleep 005: Daily Horrors

Daily Horrors My Gravest Days; Car Confabulation; Ghost Stalkers (For Reals) Newsbleep 005: “Daily Horrors”

Host: Boo! I’m Miles Rausch. Welcome to Newsbleep. “Did I totally scare you?” Yesterday, more than any other day of the year, that phrase will enter the awkward air between predator and prey. One, beaming with accomplishment, will pose the question to the other, suppressing a sigh, a scowl, or a rolling of eyes. And yet parents, friends, and even strangers will use the holiday of Halloween to make children, friends, and other strangers pee their pants. Even Newsbleep, itself, has taken to the sophomoric tradition of frightening people without reason in a very frightening and unreasonable Newsbleep 005: Daily Horrors.

[ intro ]

Host: Invented by Celtic pagans – there’s a shocker-, All Hallowed-Out Eve, or Halloween, has seen common citizens commit ordinarily socially unacceptable acts of abuse upon others. And while some people would consider every episode of Newsbleep to be a socially unacceptable act of abuse [ ba dum ching ], this episode proves to be even more so. Err… umm… Anyway, in preparation for this festive time, Newsbleep commissioned an evocative news piece bravely titled, My Gravest Days. It’s author, sadly unknown, employed a very special vocal technique known as “scary voice” in pointing out the horrors of his daily life. Don’t let it scare you, too much.

[ My Gravest Days; music: Pleasure Forever – This Is The Zodiac Speaking ]

Host: My god. I haven’t been that afraid of something people see everyday since Michael Jackson took his mask off. [ ba dum ching ] All joking aside, every good horror movie has that firm nugget of comedy at it’s core, something to lighten the mood before its terrifying gory ending. Cue our parody of Bryce Rausch’s vblog, Traffic Talk!

[ Car Confabulation; music: none ]

Host: Boy, after doing all that humorous parody, you’d think we’d be pretty satired! [ ba dum ching ] Some would say that laughter is man’s greatest mystery, but the fellas in this next segment would beg to differ. They spend their ghoulish days haunting cemeteries trying to spook up some specters to study. [ crickets ] Anyway, you may remember our version of Ghost Stalkers in episode 002, but now you’ll meet the real thing in Ghost Stalkers (For Reals).

[ Ghost Stalkers (For Reals); music: grubspoon – Monster]

Reporter: Thanks, MC^2
Host: Hold on just a moment, Jerry. Um, what’s the deal? You’re supposed to be in the cemetery.
Reporter: My cameraman …
Host: Let me stop you right there. I don’t know Spanish. I trust you’ll still turn in a decent report. Please, continue.
Reporter: I’m glad you asked…

[ credits; music: Trembling Blue Stars – The Ghost Of An Unkissed Kiss ]

I’m a mac, linux, and Adobe Photoshop.

Pleasure Forever – This Is The Zodiac Speaking (
grubspoon – Monster (
Trembling Blue Stars – The Ghost Of An Unkissed Kiss (

6 thoughts on “Newsbleep 005: Daily Horrors”

  1. Sitting at the desk, I’ve decided to watch your newsbleep. Everytime you mentioned big news and Holli I thought for sure a proposal was in the air. Maybe this weekend yet?

    Dan is really cute! Am I allowed to say that?

  2. love newsbleep. if i lived closer, i’d beg you to be in it until you either let me or beat me with a baseball bat.

    the ‘walk of death’ made me piss my pants. so did the sadness, but not in a bad way.

    very psudo-post-modern. you know. odd enough to require thought and concentration, but not incessently random to the point of reasonlessness. which is not always bad, but frequently less entertaining.

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