Newsbleep » Miles Rausch

You’re new here, aren’t you…

Miles Rausch — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 20:20:10 +0000

Are you new here? If you are, you’re probably wondering, “How the hell do I find these episodes you told me to watch?”

Here’s your answer: Newsbleep Episodes Have Their Own Category!

You’re welcome, Internet.

Newsbleep Ponders… Pondering

Miles Rausch — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 01:00:39 +0000

I think I’m done for now.

After all, THIS HAD NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE.

Newsbleep Ponders… Bedside Manner

Miles Rausch — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 23:00:03 +0000

I think if I was a doctor there would be a strong desire to tell someone they have a deadly cancer just to see a reaction. The issue is that they could take it the wrong way. They could get really upset that you tricked them like that (because it’s their life, and everything), so you’d have to do a bunch of little surprises to see if they could handle it.

Maybe they come in for a checkup, and you say, “I’ve got terrible news: you have a wart on your hand.” When they say, “What are my options?”, you blurt out, “You don’t have a wart!” Do this six or seven more times with other minor conditions. As a doctor, you should already have a list of these minor conditions.

On a related note, never believe anything your doctor tells you. He or she might be using my technique, and you don’t want to be taken for a fool. The doctor will respect you more if you question his or her every action and statement.

Newsbleep Ponders… Human Inventiveness

Miles Rausch — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 21:00:02 +0000

I think it says a lot about our species that one of the most fundamental inventions of our history, the incandescent lightbulb, has been used largely for what it does worst: produce light. The majority of the energy powering a lightbulb goes to producing heat, rather than light. Some sources say as much as 90% of that power is lost to heat, leaving the paltry 10% producing light.

Now picture all the millions of lightbulbs out there, being powered by thousands of power plants, all of them working much harder than they should be, simply to produce artificial light.

What Edison should have done was to figure out how to make a never-ending wax candle. I bet there was real money in that.

Newsbleep Ponders… Classical Music

Miles Rausch — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:00:01 +0000

I think the piano is a miracle. Maybe not if you’d looked at harpsichords your whole life, but starting from nothing, it would have been hard to invent.

First get strings. Then make them metal. Then get a big piano-shaped box.

Now, get an elephant, kill it, harvest the tusks, and turn those tusks into piano keys.

Now string the strings through the box and somehow connect them to keys that you push down. Add pedals and a seat that you can hide music in.

You know, I’ve seen a piano, and I still don’t get it. I’d probably just stick with the harpsichord.

Newsbleep Ponders… Home Security

Miles Rausch — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:00:00 +0000

I think homeowners should keep a mental list of items that could be used as weapons if someone breaks in. Baseball bats, hammers, and guns are too easy. Try keeping something that you have to break or change to make into a weapon. For instance, a ceramic key bowl would have to be broken to make a usable weapon. A laptop could be hurled, as could many heavy objects.

Avoid using other humans as weapons or shields. Complex moral dilemmas are sure to ensue.

Care should be taken to not damage anything for weaponizing that you’d want to use or enjoy after the burglary. (See the human argument above.)

Oh, yeah. Textbooks are good, too. Thick ones with sharp corners.

Newsbleep Ponders…Einstein’s Occupation

Miles Rausch — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 15:00:56 +0000

I think they should make blankets that have sleeves so you could wear them. Too often I wear a blanket, get a phone call, and then ruin my whole setup. Actually, come to think of it, they should just fix phones.

Phones should come with brain chips. When the phone rings, you could just nod your head or swivel it or something and answer the call. To hang up, you’d shake your head really vigorously. Actually, come to think of it, that would shake the blanket off of you anyway.

You know what, nevermind. I don’t know how to file a patent anyway.

Newsbleep Ponders… Seasons

Miles Rausch — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 13:00:10 +0000

I think winter sucks.

Hands-down, the worst.

What the…

Miles Rausch — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:06:48 +0000

Well, as often happens at Newsbleep Studios, the real world overtook our delightful imaginary one. So, the Newsbleep Ponders didn’t quite cross the finish line. But, will we give up? No. We will deliver those forgotten Ponders because we may half-ass things, but we really try to finish them also.

THIS HAS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE.

Buckle up, bleeptard.

Newsbleep Ponders… Hope

Miles Rausch — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:00:19 +0000

I think it’s a shame that the good conspiracies never get brought up like the bad conspiracies. People are so eager to share stories of price fixing, election tampering, secret withholding, and general shenaniganing that they never stop to uncover the beneficial conspiracies.

How about the conspiracy between the hair product industry and the water utility companies wherein they both agree to keep prices low so people have hot water and “product” to shower with? Or the long-standing agreement between whales and dolphins which specifies that they should allow themselves to be caught for human entertainment because they’ve been on Earth so long that it’s time they just relaxed? Or what of the foundation-rocking alliance between Stephen King and his readers that he’ll never produce more than 666 novels in a year because some of his readers have kids or jobs?

Brings a little hope into the world, doesn’t it?

Newsbleep Ponders… Geography

Miles Rausch — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:00:11 +0000

I think we should look at renaming the globe. Most of the names we have for places are based on who showed up first (or who wrote about showing up first), or the place name is based on some old race (or racist) name that no one remembers anymore. The benefit of renaming is that we finally have a global view of things so we can name places more accurately and logically.

Since we need a starting point, let’s change “America” to “Rock Star Megacontinent”. I think the name speaks for itself. Now we can look at England and think, “England is basically a small, floaty America.” So, England’s new name is “Small Floaty Rock Star Megacontinent”. Consequently, Ireland’s basically a smaller, floatier drunk England, ergo Ireland becomes “Drunk Small Small Floaty Floaty Rock Star Megacontinent”, and so on.

Note: Because adverbs are so subjective, we shall repeat adjectives to emphasize them. Example: “The blue blue ocean” means “The mega blue ocean” or “The gnarly blue ocean”, depending on the speaker’s age.

When comparisons to other countries cannot be made, like in the case of Alaska, then entirely new names will be supplied, like “Frozen Bear Place of Whales”. The only downside is that “Drunk Small Small Floaty Floaty Rock Star Megacontinent” will never fit on a globe, which will require Ireland to invade and take over England, which will ruin the whole dang thing.

Newsbleep Ponders… Mood Lighting

Miles Rausch — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:00:45 +0000

I think candles were invented by witches. Consider this: candles are often key props and symbols in witch festivals, candles are made of a substance which is solid when cold and liquid when hot, candles produce an almost eternal flame.

Not enough? Try this: both the words “Dale” and “Salen” are contained within the word “candles” (Salen being the original name of “Salem”, the site of a famous witch trial, and Dale being the name of the first recorded Man-Witch), some candles are black (a witch’s favorite color), and some famous dead people have candles that never go out (JFK – now commonly known to be a witch).

Still not convinced? Tilda Swinton, Elizabeth Montgomery, Melissa Joan Heart, Shannen Doherty, Rose McGowan, and Holly Marie Combs are all known witches and have all used candles!

I rest my case.

Not enough? Try this: both the words “Dale” and “Salen” are contained within the word “candles” (Salen being the original name of “Salem”, the site of a famous witch trial, and Dale being the name of the first recorded Man-Witch [which is not associated with manwhich]), some candles are black (a witch’s favorite color), and some famous dead people have candles that never go out (JFK – now commonly known to be a witch).

Still not convinced? Tilda Swinton, Elizabeth Montgomery, Melissa Joan Heart, Shannen Doherty, Rose McGowan, and Holly Marie Combs are all known witches and have all used candles!

I rest my case.

Newsbleep Ponders… The Future

Miles Rausch — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:00:25 +0000

I think I would take Nostradamus more seriously if he hadn’t ended every prophesy with “I think” and then ten or twelve periods. It’s even worse when he adds a “maybe??” after that (like he did in that one World War IV passage).

Try as you might, you’ll never convince me that those are editor marks. (Though his Hindenburg prediction was pretty eerie.)

I think I would take Nostradamus more seriously if he hadn’t ended every prophesy with “I think” and then ten or twelve periods. It’s even worse when he added a final “maybe??” (like he did in that one World War IV passage).

Try as you might, you’ll never convince me that those are editor remarks. (Though his Hindenburg prediction was pretty eerie………..)

Newsbleep Ponders… Nomenclature

Miles Rausch — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:00:22 +0000

I think parents should have to wear a name tag of their impending child (gender appropriate). This could be a government or religious requirement. We need to crack down on really awful names. The Internet has taken away any excuse people have for not knowing a name is awful.

Newsbleep Ponders… Children’s Literature

Miles Rausch — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:41:06 +0000

I think I should write a children’s book. I wouldn’t want to spin a yarn on those tired, old children’s book topics like animals or numbers. I’d want to tackle the big items, like life and death. Something meaty (pun). I think that the sooner kids are exposed to these horrifying truths, the better they get at mastering and overcoming them.

For instance, my book would be called, “Do Penguins Dream?” and the subtitle would be “As the arctic winds lull their quickly dying bodies to Hell?” It teaches at least three important lessons: penguins might dream, the arctic is cold, and all penguins go to Hell. What child wouldn’t relish a lesson like that?

(Note: the lesson that “penguins go to Hell” is more of a religious question. For atheistic or agnostic parents, the word “Hell” can be replaced with “Cleveland” or another far off, undesirable location that makes the children squirm a little. Also, penguins go to Hell because animals shouldn’t wear clothes.)

Newsbleep Ponders… Technology

Miles Rausch — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 04:00:08 +0000

I think computers are like magic. Seriously. And I work with them, like, daily.

Newsbleep Ponders… Chicken Road Trips

Miles Rausch — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:11:33 +0000

I think pot gets a bad rap (pun). Marijuana is a scape goat for much of the world’s lazy, unemployed, pot-head no-gooders. This kind of narcotic use isn’t a cause; it’s a symptom. I think we should be blaming sweatpants. Sweatpants allow extremely lazy people the ability to drive to the nearest Wal-mart and pick up a case of beer and some rotisserie-style chicken. People say to themselves, “These pants are so comfortable, why should I ever try something difficult again?” I don’t care who you are; no amount of pot smoking can help uncomfortable pants.

Newsbleep Ponders… Sports

Miles Rausch — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 01:00:46 +0000

I think that sports teams should be required to keep a living version of their mascot on the sidelines. When it’s just humans in colored uniforms, how do I know who to cheer for? But, if I see a grizzly bear and a dragon on the sidelines, the choice is obvious. Also, team cheer?

(Note: I’d go with the dragon because dragons are like dinosaurs.)

Newsbleep Ponders… Carpetry

Miles Rausch — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:00:12 +0000

I think it’s hard to respect rugs. Just like we are supposed to call midgets “little people”, so we call tiny scraps of carpet “rugs”. It’s like the loomstress (or loomster) hadn’t the time or resources to make a legitimate carpet, and so they stopped a quarter of the way through.

“Looks good. We’ll sell it for almost the same cost because you can move it around the house.” That’s my impression of the loomstress (see above).

Newsbleep Ponders… Colors

Miles Rausch — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 19:09:56 +0000

I think that, while purple is my favorite color, it should not be used on vegetables. Purple is a color reserved for royalty and grapes. I guess this is mainly directed at eggplants. I mean, where do those green-topped misnomers get off? YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE EGGS LEAVE PURPLE ALONE.

Newsbleep Ponders… Commerce

Miles Rausch — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:00:13 +0000

I think the coat industry must love South Dakota. I use no fewer than three coats in a year; four if it rains even once. The shoe industry, too, must have a soft spot for South Dakota. Where else can one man require church shoes, day shoes, hiking boots, and snow boots?

For every shoe a man buys, a woman buys two point five. Look it up.

Newsbleep Ponders… Leadership

Miles Rausch — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 18:20:33 +0000

I think being President would be hard. I wouldn’t want the job; I can’t even name all the states. The best part of being President, I think, is being Commander in Chief of the Undead Civil War Army that lives beneath the White House. According to Wikipedia, no President has used that power, but the fact that it exists is probably a strong motivator for candidates.

Newsbleep Ponders… Mortality

Miles Rausch — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:17:58 +0000

I think, if I die, I’ll get a death mask made. But, I want it called “The Official Miles Rausch Death Masque”, like how Canadiens would spell it. The hardest part would be choosing a facial expression. It would have to embody my personality, life, and legacy. What facial expression does that?
I would spend hours pouring over photographs of myself, each a different ‘spression, as I would come to call them.

In the end, I think I’d opt for a blank expression, but I’d install motion-triggered fireworks. That’s good enough.

Newsbleep Ponders… Illusions

Miles Rausch — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:03:16 +0000

I think there’s a lot of unspoken hurt behind a magician’s voice when he says, “Look, there’s nothing up my sleeves.” It seems to suggest that, at one time, magicians were free to keep loads of stuff up their sleeves: coins, cards, dice, maybe even mulled wine and fresh apples.

Then, one day, some novice magician reaches just too far for the salt, causing all his sleeve-ware to spill out, and suddenly the gig is up. From then on, magicians around the world have to assure their audience that nothing, absolutely nothing, is kept up their sleeves. In fact, a whole cultural turn-of-phrase develops around the ordeal, painting magicians as thieves, charlatans, and swindlers instead of talented entertainers.

They still perform their illusions, but a tiny part of every magician dies with the words “There’s nothing up my sleeve.”

They still perform their illusions, but a tiny part of every magician dies with the words, “There’s nothing up my sleeve.”

Newsbleep Ponders… Book Publication

Miles Rausch — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:31:28 +0000

I think the name “Adolf” is as close as any baby name book gets to the kind of controversy normal books, newspapers, and magazines can stir up. Somehow, I don’t think that name is ever going to recover. It comes up pretty quickly in the alphabet, so they don’t get long to ignore it, either. I’m sure every hot-shot “Letter A” editor thinks he’ll break the mold and include it, and then the heat comes down on him, hard.

“We can’t ignore it!” he screams from his office, walls adorned in different calligraphies of the letter “a”. ”It’s a legitimate name, you know!”

“Not in America, it isn’t,” quips the wizened “Letters X, Y, Z” editor, whose weary eyes belie his number of similar battles.

Then, when the book comes out, the “Letter A” editor comes to work to find a copy on his desk. He excitedly flips through his section, hoping that the Baby Name Book corporate fat cats had a change of heart. They hadn’t, but there’s a bookmark in the final chapter. It marks an entry titled “Zadolf”.

The two editors become life-long friends.

Newsbleep Ponders… Beverages

Miles Rausch — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:18:55 +0000

I think tea is the Sean Connery of drinks. He’s distinguished and proper. He’s a household name, even if you don’t regularly enjoy a Sean. He’s got a host of flavors, some exotic, and even the Queen enjoys him.

I think coffee is the James Dean of drinks. He’s reckless but admired, and he’s really popular with Americans. People obsess over him, and you’re sure that he has more than a cursory association with narcotics. Almost everyone goes through a James Dean phase, and almost everyone learns to tone it down after a couple of years.

I think water is the William H. Macy of drinks.

Newsbleep Ponders… Emergency Vehicles

Miles Rausch — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:00:08 +0000

I think, if I had a choice, I’d opt for the renegade ambulance driver. My life being on the line is not the time for following all the rules of the road. Rather, it’s the time for cutting corners, speeding, and ramping off other cars on a collision course for the hospital. Plus, the more people who become injured along the way, the more company I have. This philosophy is why I stay on the lookout for badly damaged ambulances. I think, “That’s the crew I want coming for me,” and I give them a little love tap with my car.

Newsbleep Ponders… Music

Miles Rausch — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:00:17 +0000

I’m not one to validate Eiffel 65, but “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” had a lot of truth in it.

That group could have been its generation’s Beatles.

Newsbleep Ponders… Routines

Miles Rausch — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:00:46 +0000

I heard that animals and children like routine, so I bet Daylight Savings Time really messes with both of them. Children will eventually get used to it, but animals will always be thrown for a loop. I can just see those squirrels and grackles sitting in their ivory towers, laughing to themselves. “Oh, boy! The humans are so late for human-work today! Ha-ha!” Then we step confidently out of our houses, arriving to work on time. If there was less of a language barrier, I would cry, “I’m exactly on time, squirrels and grackles!” as I danced to my car. That would really stick in their craws.

Newsbleep Ponders… Art History

Miles Rausch — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:00:01 +0000

I think one of the most comforting things about really old artwork is that people back then walked around naked all the time, too. Still, I think ancient art classes had to pay models for their time and energy. It probably took longer, too, because you couldn’t “take a picture, whydoncha”. If only those first nude models had any idea how many millions of people would be seeing their “art supplies” throughout history, they probably would have rethought that half credit towards their art major.

Newsbleep Ponders… Parenting

Miles Rausch — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:25:41 +0000

I think discovering that your first born child is the Anti-Christ would be hard. It would probably be harder if you were religious. It would be even harder if you were Christian. And it would probably be most hard if you were the actual Christ. If you were the actual Christ, and your child was the Anti-Christ, you’d probably relate with other parents really easily. At least, from what I hear.

If you weren’t religious, you’d probably be, like, “Whatever. We’ll just stay away from the Christs from now on. Big loss.”

Newsbleep Ponders… Audiobooks

Miles Rausch — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:33:55 +0000

I think audiobooks should be way cheaper. Like, by half, at least.

NaNewPonMo Begins

Miles Rausch — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:20:55 +0000

While most of the literary-minded will be dusting off their “Lil’ Fat” notebooks and diving right into NaNoWriMo, we, here at Newsbleep, will be doing no such thing. For one, we don’t own a “Lil’ Fat” notebook between the lot of us, despite their small size and great girth.

Instead, Newsbleep will attempt a loftier goal: NaNewPonMo. For those who can’t read made-up acronyms, NaNewPonMo is National Newsbleep Ponders… Month. In short, Newsbleep editors will post a new Newsbleep Ponders… for every day in November.

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT HAS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE.

So, hold on, enjoy, and ponder…

Newsbleep Ponders… Personal Space

Miles Rausch — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:40:13 +0000

I think, if you can’t swing your arms violently around a room, because of the density of people in that room, then that’s too many people. Then you could say, “I can’t swing my arms violently around me, but for people!”, and anyone who was a little bit older would appreciate your phrasing.

INTERNET EXCLUSIVE: DFK 100

Miles Rausch — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:00:39 +0000

A little something new coming soon.

Christmas Card – 2008

Miles Rausch — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 04:11:41 +0000

Ring in the new year at MilesRauschFamily.com.

Turn up your volume, and turn down your expectations.

Newsbleep 107: What Kind of Day Has It Been

Miles Rausch — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 04:25:54 +0000

Newsbleep 107: What Kind of Day Has It Been from Miles Rausch on Vimeo.

NOTE: For the best possible viewing experience, ensure that you have the latest version of Apple Quicktime and a broadband Internet connection. Those with dial-up connections will have a much longer load time, but the video should still be watchable.

WRITERS:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com

ACTORS:
Brenna Rausch
Katie Brass
Dan Rausch – http://milesrausch.com/dan
Holli Rausch – http://hollirausch.com
David Rausch – http://milesrausch.com/david
Chris Proczko
Sarah La Meyer
Tyler Rolfes – http://milesrausch.com/tyler
Miles Rausch

MUSCIANS:
Two Sides by John Holowach -
What We Had by Handsome Furs – http://www.myspace.com/handsomefurs

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

T-shirts Are Go!

Miles Rausch — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 12:09:12 +0000

Finally! We have the t-shirts. I’m going to send them out to those of you who ordered sometime this week, with the hopes that they will arrive soon.

In other news, we wrapped filming of Newsbleep 107 this weekend in St. Paul, MN. We hope to have the episode up soon (with no promises).

Newsbleep 002 [redux]

Miles Rausch — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 03:29:29 +0000

Click To Play

WRITER:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com/

ACTORS:
Holli Rausch – http://hollirausch.com
David Rausch – http://milesrausch.com/david
Miles Rausch

MUSCIANS:
The Sleepless by The Shaky hands – http://www.holocenemusic.com/shakyhands/
When You Go by Jonathan Coulton – http://www.jonathancoulton.com/songdetails/When%20You%20Go

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

Newsbleep 001 [redux]

Miles Rausch — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 03:29:13 +0000

Click To Play

WRITER:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com/

ACTORS:
Miles Rausch

MUSCIANS:
for the very first time by Museum – http://www.last.fm/music/Museum/_/for+the+very+first+time

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

The Old Becomes New

Miles Rausch — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 03:31:17 +0000

I’m bringing the old up to the new.

I’m planning on re-releasing all Season One episodes in full size glory – no longer will they be the tiny, eye-killing size they were. Instead, they’ll be the slightly large, vomit-inducing size that the Season Two episodes are. Also, I am updating the Credits for these Season One episodes. Also, I’m re-editing the first four episodes to include Creative Commons licensed music instead of their copyrighted originals. This is a tricky process as many of the original project files have been corrupted.

“But, Miles. I don’t want to go back and rewatch those episodes. I’m lazy.”

Don’t worry! They’ll come to you!

T-shirt Delay

Miles Rausch — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:57:20 +0000

You’ll have to remain N* naked for a little bit longer. The t-shirt place that Holli and I have used in the past is in Madison, and he has not been very responsive, so we’re in the process of using a new vendor. As such, there are delays. I promise you’ll get your shirts, eventually. So, if anyone else wants shirts, you now have time again to order.

Newsbleep 105: Un-BRIDE-led

Miles Rausch — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 00:25:46 +0000

Watch Now!

ACTORS:
Holli Rausch – http://holligregg.com
Marissa Gregg
Carol Gregg
Larry Gregg
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com
and Bridal Party patrons

MUSCIANS:
Cumbia Bicheria by El Remolon – http://www.archive.org/details/pn015
Love Love Love Love Love by As Tall As Lions – http://podsafemusicnetwork.com/…

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Sorry for the Delay

Miles Rausch — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 02:16:47 +0000

Dear Fans of Newsbleep:

I am terribly sorry. This past December and January have been rough for true fans of the show. While I’d like to think that Prima Donna was a good video to end on, there was no official episode of Newsbleep in December. What of January? Well, that’s coming, but I’m having problems.

I won’t bore you with the issues, but after a number of frustrating editing setbacks, I encountered a larger number of frustrating hosting setbacks. Long story short, I’m looking at options away from blip.tv. They’ve let me in down in a big way twice, and I think I’ll just take that burden on myself and figure out another solution.

The latest episode IS DONE. It is ready for viewing. It just doesn’t have a home on the Internet yet. I’m working on fixing that as soon as possible.

Stay tuned,

Miles

Who Wants To Not Be N* Naked?

Miles Rausch — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 00:38:03 +0000

Nine dollars, people.

Leave your name, e-mail address, and shirt size in the comments if you want to buy one.

We will place the order on January 21st, and the shirts should be in by January 31th.

I will contact you by e-mail after you comment, and all the money will be due by February 11th. If you see me or Holli in person, we’ll take cash, otherwise you can mail checks. If you have any questions, e-mail tv [at] newsbleep.com.

Special thanks to Holli and her mom who took the initiative in getting this going.

Prima Donna

Miles Rausch — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 16:40:53 +0000

Watch Now!

WRITER:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com

ACTORS:
Anna Goddadavita
Miles Rausch

MUSCIANS:
Scream by 100 Love Sonnets – http://shepherdweb.com/discography/

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

The Graduation

Miles Rausch — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 17:01:03 +0000

Watch Now!

Holli graduates and gives a speech.

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Speechless #21: The Batemans

Miles Rausch — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 19:32:56 +0000

This is from a great series of videos called Speechless where actors are shown in situations where they don’t have anything written for them. They’re pretty good.

Also, check out Late Night Underground‘s new Lazer Tag video, with a cameo by Conan O’Brien.

Newsbleep 103: TV Fan vs. Wild

Miles Rausch — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 06:01:01 +0000

Watch Now!

ACTORS:
Holli Gregg – http://milesrausch.com/holli
Danielle Sayler
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com

MUSCIANS:
A Sheltered Life (Herzog Reprise) by Crepusculum – http://www.12rec.net/Release_Crepusculum_036.htm

UnitedHollywood.com – http://unitedhollywood.com

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (.m4v)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Last Minute News on Newsbleep 2007-10-06

Miles Rausch — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 17:06:04 +0000

Watch Now!

WRITER:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com

ACTOR:
Miles Rausch

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

An Open Letter to Television

Miles Rausch — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 14:40:35 +0000

Watch Now!

Dear Television:

I'm Miles Rausch of the popular Internet-weblog, MilesRausch.com, and the sensational Newsbleep.com, who's motto is "Stay in the know, now, with Newsbleep". I have, with great enthusiasm, engendered that slogan-phrase into my personal life, which is why I'm writing you today.

Between you and me, it sucks that the writers went on strike. I feel your pain. (kleenex) I once heard, somewhere, that a public speaker should always be vague about the source and location of personal quotes they use in their speeches, which reminds me of this thing I also once heard, which is that the screenwriting isn't a work of art, it is a blueprint. You can't build a building without a blueprint. Well, guess what? I have a ruler, a knife, and a stapler.

That's right; I am formally offering to abandon Newsbleep to write for one or more of your many (gag) quality shows. I'm talking to you: CBS, ABC, NBC, FOX, and anyone else listening. I know, from my experiences with Newsbleep, that I am finely honed as a writing machine. I would feel comfortable writing for the following shows:

CBS's Numb-3rs. I haven't really seen this show, but I understand the premise. An FBI brother and a math geek brother and their father go around solving crimes with math. I think the Ace up my sleeve here is that I graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Mathematics. I would make sure that at least one character called himself or herself a "Mathstranaut" and asked for "the Fibonacci sequence, now! Lives depend on that eleventh numeral!" And that's just a taste of the genius.

I could also do the Ghost Whisperer. My mom watches this, but I don't, so, she could be an episode consultant, if need be. However, I don't think it would be that hard to write, "Jennifer Love Hewitt wakes up, she sees a ghost, and somehow gets water all over her white tank top for the next thirty minutes." That would be an Emmy episode. You can get a sense of my approach to this subject by checking out N*005 on Newsbleep.com.

I could also do episodes of ABC's According to Jim. The only difficult part would be finding half-funny dialogue for all 19 members of his family, but, I forgot, that's what you do now. I haven't really seen this show either, but it looks to be all the same sitcom jokes and plot devices, except this time the main guy looks kinda familiar. Replace him with his hilarious brother, and you have an award-winning series. Oh, that's right; he's dead.

Cavemen (I wonder who sponsors that show) shouldn't be too hard, considering it was inspired by a series of car insurance commercials, and I have car insurance. As far as I'm concerned that is all the pretense I need.

If you promise me enough money, I'll take a stab at Ugly Betty. I normally don't write for ugly people, but I might be able to suppress my gag reflex long enough to get something on paper that isn't vomit.

NBC would be harder to please, because a number of their shows I actually have seen, and enjoy seeing, and want to continue to see. I will try my best with The Office. I could have Dwight say, "I never leave my house during the equinox. Fact: the Earth does not orbit in a circle, it is an ellipse. During the equinox there is a .95% greater chance of getting cancer." And then Michael would try to kiss Ryan.

Scrubs would be hard, too, but I think I have the pattern down: voice over, JD does something dumb, then he feels bad, then he does something silly, then Dr. Cox yells at him, Turks says something ethnic, Carla complains about something, and Elliot gets insecure and probably sleeps with someone. Top it off with some '80s classical music, a famous guest-star, and wrap all the story lines into a neat bundle at the end.

Also, I would be willing to help turn SNL around. For a fee.

One thing I haven't done on Newsbleep is to write for animated characters. Fox, here I come. Family Guy, American Dad, King of the Hill, and The Simpsons will all need help. The best part is that one script can produce four episodes. Just hope that the animators don't go on strike.

Unfortunately, I won't help with 24. Honestly, how many bad days can one guy have? I am intrigued by Back To You, and the subject is certainly an area I'm familiar with. It's a hilarious comedy that takes place on the set of a news show, and the characters, who include a host, a field reporter, and a weather girl, don't always get along. Sound familiar?

You might get the sense that I'll only do comedy, but I'm not above drama. I think I could do K-Ville some justice. Hip, urban dialogue plus obscure New Orleans references equals a show I could write with about five minutes of googling and UrbanDictionary.com

There can be nothing more despicable than someone holding out from helping a friend until he or she gets paid, but that is exactly what I'm doing. I'd love to help, but my time and talent comes at a cost. I'm afraid this offer comes off the table tonight at midnight.

Good luck, Television, and good night.

P.S. My offer DOES NOT extend to reality TV shows. You're on your own there.

WRITER:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com

ACTOR:
Miles Rausch

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Newsbleep 102: News-BOO-eep

Miles Rausch — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 16:41:16 +0000

Watch Now!

Much like The Office has been, this episode is double long and half funny!

WRITER:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com

ACTORS:
Bob Davidson – http://pageofbob.com
Holly Davidson – http://davidsonphotographysd.com
Holli Gregg – http://milesrausch.com/holli
Matt Walker – http://chadtheegad.pageofbob.com
Marissa Gregg
Miles Rausch

MUSCIANS:
Skeleton Suit by Birdmonster – http://www.birdmonster.com
60′s Doll by Our Names in the Sand – http://www.myspace.com/ournamesinthesand
Additional Music by Miles Rausch

SPECIAL THANKS:
RPI Video Studio
rpivideostudio.blip.tv
Watch Hardtimes and Hardware on blip.tv – http://blip.tv/file/430159/

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Last Minute News on Newsbleep 2007-10-02

Miles Rausch — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 15:57:12 +0000

Watch Now!

WRITER:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com

ACTOR:
Miles Rausch

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

iPhoolish

Miles Rausch — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 13:41:44 +0000

Watch Now!

WRITER:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com

ACTORS:
David Rausch – http://milesrausch.com/david
Miles Rausch

MUSCIANS:
Perfect Timing (This Morning) by Orba Squara – http://www.myspace.com/orbasquara
Additional Music by Miles Rausch

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Newsbleep 101: The One Where They Have The Season Two Premiere

Miles Rausch — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 17:57:55 +0000

Watch Newsbleep 101!

WRITERS:
Tony Rolfes – http://milesrausch.com/bigt
Bob Davidson – http://pageofbob.com
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com

ACTORS:
Bob Davidson
Holly Davidson – http://davidsonphotographysd.com
Holli Gregg – http://milesrausch.com/holli
Miles Rausch

MUSCIANS:
Riki Ticki by El Remolon – http://www.archive.org/details/pn015
Alala by CSS – http://www.subpop.com/artists/css
Additional Music by Miles Rausch

SPECIAL THANKS:
WickedAwesomeFilms
wickedawesomefilms.blogspot.com
Watch The Walkens on blip.tv – http://blip.tv/file/209009/

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

One Week Left

Miles Rausch — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 15:30:56 +0000

Two quick things: I took the password off the Season Two page (http://newsbleep.com/season2/). And, scripts are due this Friday, September 14th, if you want to participate.

Watch for the Season Premiere on September 28th!

Douglas

Miles Rausch — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 15:56:28 +0000

Nate Hoffman, who played “Narcs” in the Season One finale of Newsbleep, is debuting his movie, “Douglas”, at the Science Center at DSU at 8:00pm on August 25th (Saturday). To add to that, the “Grief” trailer for Newsbleep is going to preceed the airing. So, if you can, you should make the trip for that.

Grief

Miles Rausch — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 20:41:41 +0000

Click to Play

The "Grief" Trailer. Music by:

Band of Horses – The Funeral

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

You Are Great!

Miles Rausch — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 20:54:40 +0000

You know what, I think you’d be a great writer. No, I do!

I’m assuming you watched the last Newsbleep and that you are eager to participate in the script-writing contest, but you’re nervous. You know what? Don’t be! Script-writing isn’t hard (I do it, after all), and it doesn’t need to be scary, either.

Today is the day that you start your screenplay for the season premiere of Newsbleep, and tomorrow is the day you continue it. Don’t let me down. I’m counting on you!

Joy

Miles Rausch — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 13:25:56 +0000

Click to Play

The "Joy" Trailer. Music by:

The Thermals – Here’s Your Future

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Indifference

Miles Rausch — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 21:23:49 +0000

Click to Play

The "Indifference" Trailer. Music by:

Nankotsu Teacher – Piano Piece #2

Formats available: Quicktime (.mov), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Newsbleep 012: The Death of MilesRausch.com Slash Holli

Miles Rausch — Fri, 25 May 2007 15:25:42 +0000

Click to Play

The season one finale!

Music by:

Names Are For Tombstones – Dreams of Grandeur
4 and 20 Blackbirds – Song of Sixpence
Alkaline Trio – Private Eye
Anna Lee – Kiss
The Byrds – Tribal Gathering
Duane Carter – Destiny
Deidre Rodman and Steve Swallow – Sunday Drive
The Harlem Shakes – Carpetbaggers

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (protected) (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

A Sighting!

Miles Rausch — Tue, 22 May 2007 03:27:40 +0000

Newsbleep is on Blogotheque! In an article called Take Away Show, a parody, Chryde shares Take Away Show 66.1 with the French-speaking (and -reading) world.

Regarding Take Away Show 66.1

Miles Rausch — Mon, 14 May 2007 15:54:52 +0000

I realize that there is a lot of confusion regarding the last video. A short time ago, I posted on my personal weblog, MilesRausch.com, about Strange Band Names. At the end of that post, I said:

If you do like indie music, and you want to see some acoustic concerts, check out these awesome Take-Away Shows. Do you guys have any weird band names you want to add?

Well, it seems that no one checked them out. That’s okay, but that was really the focus of this Take Away Show. What I did was my first experiment in parody that involved changing the look of the entire piece. I did do a Lost parody before, but that was mostly in content. I mimicked some camera shots, but the look of my Lost episode did not match the look of their Lost episodes. The same goes for eXtreme motoriZed Vehicle Makeover segment of the Christmas episode. That one was a closer parody, but little was done to the look itself.

Basically, I boiled down the Take-Away Show to these elements:

A band of Indie Rock or Indie Alternative ilk
A neat venue (usually a small bar, an intimate flat, or the streets of Paris)
A poignant song to be played acoustically
High-contrast look to the video
One long shot, sometimes involving musicians in other locations
Reaction shots of other patrons of said venue
Big text for titles, dropped on top of sound and inbetween video from one or more locations

With that in mind, I created my Take Away Show with these elements:

“The Emiliy Dickensen Making Music Band of Americanada” sounded just unique and pretentious enough to be the fictional band I wanted
The venue is the alley behind and leading up to a gas station
The song is called “How Long Must I Live This Waking Nightmare (This Hell)” but is actually a cover of the Rubber Ducky song from Sesame Street
Done in After Effects
We set up our band members along the alley way: Bob on vocals right away, then Bob on guitar, then Holly on guitar, then Holli playing percussion on guitar
Not only reaction shots, but vocal reactions. A faint “Rock on” can be heard as we approach the doors of the gas station (I gave him the devil horns as a sign of appreciation)
Done in Photoshop with original material as a source. Once I figured the font, then it was a matter of comparing kernings and such

So, there you go. In a very scientific way, that is the deal with the Take Away Show. This should alleviate all confusion and open the doors to laughter.

Take Away Show 66.1

Miles Rausch — Fri, 11 May 2007 05:30:23 +0000

Click to Play

THE EMILY DICKENSEN MAKING MUSIC BAND OF AMERICANADA play an intimate, unplugged, acoustic version of their song “HOW LONG MUST I LIVE THIS WAKING NIGHTMARE (THIS HELL)”.

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (protected) (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Cake – War Pigs (cover) (fan video contest)

Miles Rausch — Wed, 02 May 2007 14:00:51 +0000

I normally don’t post YouTube videos unless I muy muy love them. This is one such video.

Newsbleep 011: Bleepers!

Miles Rausch — Sat, 28 Apr 2007 00:00:32 +0000

Click to Play

Music by:

Thom Yorke – Analyse (Various Remix)
Bloc Party – Hunting for Witches (RAC Remix)
Cake – War Pigs
Rock Plaza Central – SexyBack
Lostprophets – Cry Me A River
Rogue Wave – All You Need Is Love
Jack Blades – Day Tripper
Sparklehorse – Don’t Take My Sunshine Away
Editors – Camera (Rubber Bullets Remix)

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (protected) (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

An Apology

Miles Rausch — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 19:01:04 +0000

I apologize to those who may have seen or downloaded the unbleeped version of Newsbleep 011: Bleepers! I certainly meant to bleep the cuss words, and while this isn’t a “Clean” show by any means, I like to keep it within television decency standards. A bleeped version of the episode will be up later today, don’t worry.

Welcome, Trojan Times Readers

Miles Rausch — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 12:00:31 +0000

Well, I bought an ad in the Dakota State University newspaper, The Trojan Times. I also bought an ad on Facebook, set to run until Monday in the DSU network. Is this the start of a whole new avenue of listeners? Will Newsbleep finally take off as an internet phenomenon?

I doubt it. But, it’s a good waste of thirty bucks.

I’ve made some changes to the site. There’s an about page. I added all kinds of links for subscribing on the right side. And, I updated the Archives page. So, go nuts!

—— Do Not Read Below This Line, Or Whatever (It Don’t Hurt Nobody) ——

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-20e5d50bb72e604d99895b7a708b4c08}

Forgetful

Miles Rausch — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 14:25:32 +0000

Click to Play

Music by:

Beak – Context Clues

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (protected) (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Newsbleep 010: Now You Snow

Miles Rausch — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 12:15:30 +0000

Click to Play

Newsbleep covers the Great Blizzard of 2007, just in time for the Great Flood of 2007.

Formats available: MPEG-4 Video (protected) (.m4v), Flash Video (.flv)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Now Newsbleep.com!

Miles Rausch — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 04:00:35 +0000

That’s right! We’ve recently acquired Newsbleep.com, making it even easier to find your favorite online TV show.

If you are currently subscribed to the Newsbleep feed, then the old site will be taken down on April 1st. However, you may not need to re-subscribe. Just watch and see what happens! We’re pretty much playing this by ear!

Remember to visit Newsbleep at Newsbleep.com, the Newsbleep TV Facebook group, Newsbleep on Digg.com, and the Newsbleep TV MySpace page.

Lost and Found

Miles Rausch — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 18:56:00 +0000

Click to Play

A short film we were going to do for a film contest last summer (2006), but we never got this edited on time. The topic was "lost and found".

Music:

Test Pressing – Leaving Home
Ras Amerlock – Farther East
(Die) Pilot – Nameless
Emil Klotzsch – Geteiltes Sein
MBF – Wonderful Day
SmallTownRockStar – Lost & Found

Newsbleep 009: The Death of MilesRausch.com

Miles Rausch — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 18:16:26 +0000

Click to Play

Written by Bryce Rausch. Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Welcome, Ghosts by Explosions In The Sky
Upon This Tidal Wave Of Young Blood by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Train over the land by MOBYL
Muscle Man 64 by Dedacia
In Memoriam by True Wisdom
futuristic japanese hellriders from outer space by SxFxTxC
In Case Of Emergency Break Glass by Stray Borders
My remains by Dj Thopa

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Newsbleep 008: A Very Precise Engagement

Miles Rausch — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 12:43:08 +0000

Click to Play

A Very Precise Engagement

Music:

MOBYL – Love After All

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Add My Quote!

Miles Rausch — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 22:00:45 +0000

Do you love Newsbleep, but feel that you could write better dialog? Or do you simply wish that somehow that awesome inside-joke you have with your friends could come out of the mouth of a stranger on the internet?

Here’s your chance.

Post your favorite quote into this discussion board, and I’ll choose a random number of them to appear in the February Newsbleep. If this doesn’t spell “awesome”, then I don’t know what does.

Either post your quote as a comment, post to the Newsbleep TV Facebook group, or post to the Newsbleep TV MySpace page.

Dealing with Hogan

Miles Rausch — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 11:00:15 +0000

Click To Play

Holli and Miles try to decide what must be done about Hogan. They get nowhere, but the dog is obviously panicked.

Music by:

Quel – Shtchedrik, Shtchedrik, Shtchevatchka

Newsbleep 007: Christmas and Must-Nots

Miles Rausch — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 20:22:05 +0000

Click to Play

eXtreme motoriZed Vehicle Makeover; Happy Holidays from Newsbleep

Music:

Elementaires by CJ Kiff
E1 by MOBYL
Shoplifting books on how to steal by Wilderness Survival
The Clocks (Surgeon Remix) by Thom Yorke
Rauschen by Emil Klotzsch
Winter Wonderland by Bit Shifter
Jingle Bells by DJ Josh-O
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen by Hai! Roboto

Newsbleep Joins YouTube

Miles Rausch — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 19:58:31 +0000

That’s right! I have a Director’s Account!

You can now find Newsbleep at http://youtube.com/newsbleep!

If you have a YouTube account, you should go and comment on the videos and rate them! Send the links to your friends!

Newsbleep 006: A Very Lost Thanksgiving

Miles Rausch — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 10:00:57 +0000

Click To Play

A Very Lost Thanksgiving

MilesRausch.com Newsbleep 006: “A Very Lost Thanksgiving”

Newsbleep in Lost font flies past.

Inset: Miles’ eye. Opens.

POV: Looking up from ground.

Wide shot of Miles lying on the ground. He’s missing a shoe. He appears in pain, looks down at his sock, moves his foot a little, and then puts his shoe on.

He hears something, turns his head quick, cut to quiet, empty crickets shots of both houses. Then he hears something else, he turns his head the other direction and sees Haji walking around near him. Walks past him.

Miles gradually, slowly gets up. He leans against the pool table, and pulls something out of his clothing. It’s shiny and metal.

Cut to Miles smiling at it. He puts it back in his pocket. “I’ve gotta help with Thanksgiving.” He gets up, and he runs up the stairs. Camera pushes in on a shoe hanging from the banister.

Miles bursts through coats into the living room. Camera swoops around him. He’s in Big Stone. He looks back downstairs. “I think I’m lost”. Commercial break.

He runs back down stairs, and ends up back in the Gregg house. He tries again, running up the steps, and he ends up at his apartment in Madison. “Wow. I’m really lost.” Commercial break.

He runs back down stairs, and ends up back in the Gregg house. He peeks up, his head appears in Madison, he ducks down, he peeks up, his head is in his car, he ducks down, his head appears in Val’s office, he ducks down.

“What are you doing?” says marissa in the basement. “I’m … kinda… lost.” Commercial break. “I’m kinda… well I won’t say… but I’m having troubles getting upstairs.” “Miles falls up the stairs; Miles falls down the stairs.” (ladyinthewater) “Um… that seems uncharacteristically creepy of you, Marissa.” “Brains!” Miles starts upstairs, then “Hey! What’s your name?” “Jack! Er… Miles. Rausch. Dotcom.”

Miles sprints up stairs and ends up in the living room at the Gregg house. Camera swoops around him and shows Holli sitting on the couch.

“Hi sweetie. You about ready for Thanksgiving Dinner? We’re leaving in a couple minutes.” Miles hears from “Miles, Miles, Miles..” and flash back to Big Stone. Holli says, “Do you want some turkey?” “Uh, sure.” “Any color preference?” Miles laughs. “Standard black is fine. Are you going to have any?” “I’ll eat on the trip home.” Holli and him laugh for a bit, then flash forward to couch.

“I think something’s wrong with Marissa. She’s downstairs.” “Well, let’s go look.” Then go downstairs and end up in Big Stone. “Where are we?” “I don’t know. I think we’re… lost.” Commercial break. Still downstairs, Tony comes by.

“Dudes, hello.” “Tony. I keep ending up in two or three different places. What’s the deal?” “Dudes. You don’t know? I’m bad luck.” “Bad luck?”- Holli “Oh, sure. Every NDSU game I watch they lose, I never win at the Casino, my parents think I have five or six addictions, and my best friend moved half-way across the country. I’m bad luck.” “Stay away from my car.” “We’re going to run back upstairs. You stay here in case it doesn’t work.” “Dude, I’m not going anywhere.” They run back upstairs and end up a couple floors up.

They hear the monster sound. Tony comes up. “Dude, did you hear that?” The dinosaur sounds get louder and louder, and then Doofus comes up the top of the steps. Doofus attacks Miles, and he starts screaming. Tony and Holli wrestle Doofus off of Miles. Miles says, “I’m going back downstairs.” Tony says “Hey! What’s your name?” “Jack! Er… Miles. Rausch. Dotcom.”

He finally ends up back downstairs at the Gregg house. “Man, these jeans.” Marissa is down there, “Aren’t you ever afraid?” “I was freakin’ afraid of you just five minutes ago.” “Yeah, but really afraid.” “Fear is sort of an odd thing. When I was a rookie Newsbleeper, I was shooting a segment called ‘Ghost Stalkers (For Reals)’. And I was using a camera bag of equipment and I tore the side of it. So it ripped open and camera equipment just spilled out of it like angel hair pasta. The terror was just so- crazy. So real. And I knew I had to deal with it. So I just made a choice. I let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing, but only for five seconds. That was all I was going to give it. so I started to count. And it was gone. I went back to work, setup the equipment and it was fine. Funniest Newsbleep yet. What are you afraid of?” “Your turtle. She’s kinda creepy looking.”

“What do you think, Haji? Are you afraid?” Haji says something. Commercial break. “You know English?” Says something else. Miles stares off into space. Flashback to Big Stone. Haji on counter. “What do you have there?” Haji is on top of medal. Miles looks at it. Inset: the Best Actor medal. “Thank you for this, Haji. I can sell this for heroin!” He happily puts it in his pocket. Flash foward to basement. Says something else.

“I’m really going, Marissa.” “here, take this. Don’t turn it on until you get to Sioux Falls. You won’t have service until then. Then dial 911 once every hour. That’s the only way you’ll get rescued.” “We’ll be back to save you.” Miles runs back up the stairs and ends up in Big Stone. There is Holli and Tony. “Dude. What happened?” Miles turns to Holli, “Did you ever use a needle? Did you ever patch a pair of jeans?” “I made the drapes in my apartment.” “That’s perfect, can you patch these? They’re a little too long.” *ba dum ching* “Sure, I can do that. We should head home now.”

Miles and Holli hug everyone good bye. They drive until it’s dark. “Where are we going?” “I’m not sure. I think I took a wrong exit.” They end up on back streets somewhere. Suddenly the car loses power. “The car just stopped.” Then a spotlight turns on to the car. They both cheer at being rescued. Roll down window, and Holly and Bob approach car. “We just want the turtle.” Bob punches Miles out, Holly punches Holli out. They take Haji. They both kinda come to, and Miles and Holli start yelling, “Haji! Haji!” Cut to LOST end.

Who Wants A Brownie?

Miles Rausch — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 22:00:01 +0000

Click to Play

This is a test. I shot the clips using my digital camera, and I put them together using Windows Movie Maker. The test was mostly to see what was possible using a PC and Windows Movie Maker so that my brother can make Traffic Talk in more than one take. It’s possible. It’s also possible to live for several minutes after being decapitated.

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

Newsbleep 005: Daily Horrors

Miles Rausch — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 18:05:27 +0000

Click to Play

Daily Horrors My Gravest Days; Car Confabulation; Ghost Stalkers (For Reals)

This video was originally shared on blip.tv by awayken with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license.

MilesRausch.com Newsbleep 005: “Daily Horrors”

Host: Boo! I’m Miles Rausch. Welcome to Newsbleep. “Did I totally scare you?” Yesterday, more than any other day of the year, that phrase will enter the awkward air between predator and prey. One, beaming with accomplishment, will pose the question to the other, suppressing a sigh, a scowl, or a rolling of eyes. And yet parents, friends, and even strangers will use the holiday of Halloween to make children, friends, and other strangers pee their pants. Even Newsbleep, itself, has taken to the sophomoric tradition of frightening people without reason in a very frightening and unreasonable Newsbleep 005: Daily Horrors.

[ intro ]

Host: Invented by Celtic pagans – there’s a shocker-, All Hallowed-Out Eve, or Halloween, has seen common citizens commit ordinarily socially unacceptable acts of abuse upon others. And while some people would consider every episode of Newsbleep to be a socially unacceptable act of abuse [ ba dum ching ], this episode proves to be even more so. Err… umm… Anyway, in preparation for this festive time, Newsbleep commissioned an evocative news piece bravely titled, My Gravest Days. It’s author, sadly unknown, employed a very special vocal technique known as “scary voice” in pointing out the horrors of his daily life. Don’t let it scare you, too much.

[ My Gravest Days; music: Pleasure Forever - This Is The Zodiac Speaking ]

Host: My god. I haven’t been that afraid of something people see everyday since Michael Jackson took his mask off. [ ba dum ching ] All joking aside, every good horror movie has that firm nugget of comedy at it’s core, something to lighten the mood before its terrifying gory ending. Cue our parody of Bryce Rausch’s vblog, Traffic Talk!

[ Car Confabulation; music: none ]

Host: Boy, after doing all that humorous parody, you’d think we’d be pretty satired! [ ba dum ching ] Some would say that laughter is man’s greatest mystery, but the fellas in this next segment would beg to differ. They spend their ghoulish days haunting cemeteries trying to spook up some specters to study. [ crickets ] Anyway, you may remember our version of Ghost Stalkers in episode 002, but now you’ll meet the real thing in Ghost Stalkers (For Reals).

[ Ghost Stalkers (For Reals); music: grubspoon - Monster]

Reporter: Thanks, MC^2
Host: Hold on just a moment, Jerry. Um, what’s the deal? You’re supposed to be in the cemetery.
Reporter: My cameraman …
Host: Let me stop you right there. I don’t know Spanish. I trust you’ll still turn in a decent report. Please, continue.
Reporter: I’m glad you asked…

[ credits; music: Trembling Blue Stars - The Ghost Of An Unkissed Kiss ]

I’m a mac, linux, and Adobe Photoshop.

Pleasure Forever – This Is The Zodiac Speaking (http://www.subpop.com/scripts/main/bands_page.php?id=363)
grubspoon – Monster (http://music.podshow.com/music/producers/producerLibrary/artistdetails.php?BandHash=8e6c97e3a27b49c386afbe8e8ae7f8f7)
Trembling Blue Stars – The Ghost Of An Unkissed Kiss (http://www.subpop.com/scripts/main/bands_page.php?id=326)

Testing Blip.tv

Miles Rausch — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 04:45:31 +0000

Click to Play

This is a test of Blip.tv’s services. I might start using it on a regular basis. We’ll see.

Newsbleep 004: Bloopers!

Miles Rausch — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 04:11:56 +0000

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To celebrate the anniversary of MilesRausch.com, I had a special bloopers show consisting entirely of clips from the previous three shows.

Newsbleep 004: Bloopers!

“It’s my birthday(.com)!” proclaims the front page of blogging super-site, MilesRausch.com As a syndicate of said super-site, Newsbleep thought a visual show of frivolity was in order. And so we bring you a very special Newsbleep 004: Bloopers!

(opening sequence)

The err of fellow members of human kind have long left us laughing languidly. Why do you think “Funniest Home Videos” is still on the air? It is in that spirit of mockery that we show you the best and the rest of the bloopers so far on Newsbleep.

(there are some hilarious bloopers)

And now, some highlights.

(crickets)

From my living room at Newsbleep Headquarters, this is Miles Rausch. Good night.

Newsbleep 003: All’s Not Well-a In Pella

Miles Rausch — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 13:43:08 +0000

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Includes the segments: All’s Not Well-a In Pella (regarding a terror-note writing and calligraphy gathering in Pella, IA)

MilesRausch.com Newsbleep 003: “All’s Well-a In Pella”

In recent years the American psyche has been brutalized by one word: terrorism. It’s been used as a motivator, an interrogator, and a way to get people to perform bizarre, time-consumptive and inane rituals in the name of “freedom”. However, it is also a very real danger, and you should never, ever joke about it.

That is why, when the Newsbleep offices received word of an imminent terrorist threat-organizing and threat-note-caligraphy meeting in Pella, Iowa, we hopped the next train heading to South America to investigate. What we discovered and destroyed on this journey may just terrorize your dreams for the next one hundred billion years, but we felt it would be wrong of us to not share this horror with the public. And so, we bring you Newsbleep 003: All’s Not Well-a In Pella.

(opening sequence)

To capture this one-of-a-kind news opportunity, we dispatched our special, undercover reporter. Because of the sensitive work he does, he emailed us and asked us to call him by an alias, Riles Mausch, and to blur his face when possible. It was not possible to blur his face, nor to edit out any personal details, such as loved ones or addresses, that he may have mentioned in his broadcast. Thankfully, Newsbleep is more dedicated to good television than it is to personal safety, so we’re airing the piece anyway. Riles?

(in Pella)

Thanks, Miles. This is Miles Rausch (edit over the name “Riles Mausch”), reporting alive from Pella, IA (edit over “Indiana” ). It is now nearly the end of our ordeal, and what began as a journey into the frightening unknown of terror ended with the calming certainty of friendships that’ll last a lifetime.

What we knew wasn’t much. I knew that terrorist organizations, to appear organized, hold classes where insurgents can learn the finer points of terrorizing the Great Satan. Unfortunately, we didn’t know when or where they would strike… the chalk to the chalkboard.

I felt fortunate to be traveling with my loved one, Holli Gregg, who lives at 888 W Washington St. Madison, SD 57042.

I knew we’d need backup, so we called in former CTU agent and terrorism expert, Jack Bauer. If you’ve seen Fox’s real-time action show, 24, then you know what this man is capable of. Hopefully retirement hasn’t made him soft.

Right now I’m in the car with the real Jack Bauer. When I asked this former government agent whether or not he was the right man for the job, he said, “No, probably not”, and then continued to say “please take me home” and “my family will call the police” over and over.

Excited and eager to get to work, we headed to the football stadium, the most likely area of terrorist involvement. We scanned the area looking for known terrorist “tells”: head coverings, tents, and the color red. We were in trouble. The stadium was packed with football fans, but were they also fans of senseless violence. We enlisted a local boy to feed us information. He was later adopted by our boom mic guy.

The terrorists continued the ruse that this was actually a football game. However, when they actually started playing football, we came to believe that maybe this was actually a football game. Our hunch was further bolstered by a terror note written in obviously poor calligraphy which was discovered beneath the bleachers. The area was immediately evacuated. The field was cleared, and the banquet room was emptied except for one guy moving stuff around on stage.

No one here. No one here. No one here.

After a six hour delay with no notes, the game was allowed to resume, which one spectator said was probably worse than a terrorist attack (ba dum). We left the game early to check another lead at the only Catholic church in the town. As the crowd cheered and dancers danced, we discovered that church was a front for the biggest threat-note calligraphy instruction EVER. Unfortunely I didn’t get any pictures and then we blew up the church.

When we got back to the game we found it complete. They teams ended up tied for par. This little boy, Johnny, came up and hugged us and said that if we hadn’t blown up that church, he could never be a future president. Good luck, Johnny. With such kind words from such an honest boy, he took us to his quaint home and gave us food of rice and bamboo.

And so we end our trek to this magical, alarming “landen” transplanted from Holland and set down right here in Iowa. From Pella, IA (edit over “Indiana”), this is Miles Rausch (edit over the name “Riles Mausch”). Back to you, Miles (edit over the name “Riles”).

Warms your heart.

In Related News: What’s the dill with this chair? Goodnight.

Newsbleep 002: All Night Long

Miles Rausch — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 19:08:56 +0000

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WRITER:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com/

ACTORS:
Holli Rausch – http://hollirausch.com
David Rausch – http://milesrausch.com/david
Miles Rausch

MUSCIANS:
The Sleepless by The Shaky hands – http://www.holocenemusic.com/shakyhands/
When You Go by Jonathan Coulton – http://www.jonathancoulton.com/songdetails/When%20You%20Go

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch

Newsbleep 001: Courtship, Cards, and Competition

Miles Rausch — Sat, 23 Sep 2006 18:26:59 +0000

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WRITER:
Miles Rausch – http://milesrausch.com/

ACTORS:
Miles Rausch

MUSCIANS:
for the very first time by Museum – http://www.last.fm/music/Museum/_/for+the+very+first+time

DIRECTOR:
Miles Rausch