Add My Quote!

Do you love Newsbleep, but feel that you could write better dialog? Or do you simply wish that somehow that awesome inside-joke you have with your friends could come out of the mouth of a stranger on the internet?

Here’s your chance.

Post your favorite quote into this discussion board, and I’ll choose a random number of them to appear in the February Newsbleep. If this doesn’t spell “awesome”, then I don’t know what does.

Either post your quote as a comment, post to the Newsbleep TV Facebook group, or post to the Newsbleep TV MySpace page.

Newsbleep 007: Christmas and Must-Nots

eXtreme motoriZed Vehicle Makeover; Happy Holidays from Newsbleep


  • Elementaires by CJ Kiff
  • E1 by MOBYL
  • Shoplifting books on how to steal by Wilderness Survival
  • The Clocks (Surgeon Remix) by Thom Yorke
  • Rauschen by Emil Klotzsch
  • Winter Wonderland by Bit Shifter
  • Jingle Bells by DJ Josh-O
  • God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen by Hai! Roboto

Newsbleep 006: A Very Lost Thanksgiving Newsbleep 006: “A Very Lost Thanksgiving”

Newsbleep in Lost font flies past.

Inset: Miles’ eye. Opens.

POV: Looking up from ground.

Wide shot of Miles lying on the ground. He’s missing a shoe. He appears in pain, looks down at his sock, moves his foot a little, and then puts his shoe on.

He hears something, turns his head quick, cut to quiet, empty crickets shots of both houses. Then he hears something else, he turns his head the other direction and sees Haji walking around near him. Walks past him.

Miles gradually, slowly gets up. He leans against the pool table, and pulls something out of his clothing. It’s shiny and metal.

Cut to Miles smiling at it. He puts it back in his pocket. “I’ve gotta help with Thanksgiving.” He gets up, and he runs up the stairs. Camera pushes in on a shoe hanging from the banister.

Miles bursts through coats into the living room. Camera swoops around him. He’s in Big Stone. He looks back downstairs. “I think I’m lost.” Commercial break.

He runs back down stairs, and ends up back in the Gregg house. He tries again, running up the steps, and he ends up at his apartment in Madison. “Wow. I’m really lost.” Commercial break.

He runs back down stairs, and ends up back in the Gregg house. He peeks up, his head appears in Madison, he ducks down, he peeks up, his head is in his car, he ducks down, his head appears in Val’s office, he ducks down.

“What are you doing?” says Marissa in the basement. “I’m… kinda… lost.” Commercial break. “I’m kinda… well I won’t say… but I’m having troubles getting upstairs.” “Miles falls up the stairs; Miles falls down the stairs.” (ladyinthewater) “Um… that seems uncharacteristically creepy of you, Marissa.” “Brains!” Miles starts upstairs, then “Hey! What’s your name?” “Jack! Er… Miles. Rausch. Dotcom.”

Miles sprints up stairs and ends up in the living room at the Gregg house. Camera swoops around him and shows Holli sitting on the couch.

“Hi sweetie. You about ready for Thanksgiving Dinner? We’re leaving in a couple minutes.” Miles hears from “Miles, Miles, Miles..” and flash back to Big Stone. Holli says, “Do you want some turkey?” “Uh, sure.” “Any color preference?” Miles laughs. “Standard black is fine. Are you going to have any?” “I’ll eat on the trip home.” Holli and him laugh for a bit, then flash forward to couch.

“I think something’s wrong with Marissa. She’s downstairs.” “Well, let’s go look.” Then go downstairs and end up in Big Stone. “Where are we?” “I don’t know. I think we’re… lost.” Commercial break. Still downstairs, Tony comes by.

“Dudes, hello.” “Tony. I keep ending up in two or three different places. What’s the deal?” “Dudes. You don’t know? I’m bad luck.” “Bad luck?”- Holli “Oh, sure. Every NDSU game I watch they lose, I never win at the Casino, my parents think I have five or six addictions, and my best friend moved half-way across the country. I’m bad luck.” “Stay away from my car.” “We’re going to run back upstairs. You stay here in case it doesn’t work.” “Dude, I’m not going anywhere.” They run back upstairs and end up a couple floors up.

They hear the monster sound. Tony comes up. “Dude, did you hear that?” The dinosaur sounds get louder and louder, and then Doofus comes up the top of the steps. Doofus attacks Miles, and he starts screaming. Tony and Holli wrestle Doofus off of Miles. Miles says, “I’m going back downstairs.” Tony says “Hey! What’s your name?” “Jack! Er… Miles. Rausch. Dotcom.”

He finally ends up back downstairs at the Gregg house. “Man, these jeans.” Marissa is down there, “Aren’t you ever afraid?” “I was freakin’ afraid of you just five minutes ago.” “Yeah, but really afraid.” “Fear is sort of an odd thing. When I was a rookie Newsbleeper, I was shooting a segment called ‘Ghost Stalkers (For Reals)’. And I was using a camera bag of equipment and I tore the side of it. So it ripped open and camera equipment just spilled out of it like angel hair pasta. The terror was just so- crazy. So real. And I knew I had to deal with it. So I just made a choice. I let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing, but only for five seconds. That was all I was going to give it. so I started to count. And it was gone. I went back to work, setup the equipment and it was fine. Funniest Newsbleep yet. What are you afraid of?” “Your turtle. She’s kinda creepy looking.”

“What do you think, Haji? Are you afraid?” Haji says something. Commercial break. “You know English?” Says something else. Miles stares off into space. Flashback to Big Stone. Haji on counter. “What do you have there?” Haji is on top of medal. Miles looks at it. Inset: the Best Actor medal. “Thank you for this, Haji. I can sell this for heroin!” He happily puts it in his pocket. Flash forward to basement. Says something else.

“I’m really going, Marissa.” “here, take this. Don’t turn it on until you get to Sioux Falls. You won’t have service until then. Then dial 911 once every hour. That’s the only way you’ll get rescued.” “We’ll be back to save you.” Miles runs back up the stairs and ends up in Big Stone. There is Holli and Tony. “Dude. What happened?” Miles turns to Holli, “Did you ever use a needle? Did you ever patch a pair of jeans?” “I made the drapes in my apartment.” “That’s perfect, can you patch these? They’re a little too long.” *ba dum ching* “Sure, I can do that. We should head home now.”

Miles and Holli hug everyone good bye. They drive until it’s dark. “Where are we going?” “I’m not sure. I think I took a wrong exit.” They end up on back streets somewhere. Suddenly the car loses power. “The car just stopped.” Then a spotlight turns on to the car. They both cheer at being rescued. Roll down window, and Holly and Bob approach car. “We just want the turtle.” Bob punches Miles out, Holly punches Holli out. They take Haji. They both kinda come to, and Miles and Holli start yelling, “Haji! Haji!” Cut to LOST end.

Who Wants A Brownie?


This is a test. I shot the clips using my digital camera, and I put them together using Windows Movie Maker. The test was mostly to see what was possible using a PC and Windows Movie Maker so that my brother can make Traffic Talk in more than one take. It’s possible. It’s also possible to live for several minutes after being decapitated.

Newsbleep 005: Daily Horrors

Daily Horrors My Gravest Days; Car Confabulation; Ghost Stalkers (For Reals) Newsbleep 005: “Daily Horrors”

Host: Boo! I’m Miles Rausch. Welcome to Newsbleep. “Did I totally scare you?” Yesterday, more than any other day of the year, that phrase will enter the awkward air between predator and prey. One, beaming with accomplishment, will pose the question to the other, suppressing a sigh, a scowl, or a rolling of eyes. And yet parents, friends, and even strangers will use the holiday of Halloween to make children, friends, and other strangers pee their pants. Even Newsbleep, itself, has taken to the sophomoric tradition of frightening people without reason in a very frightening and unreasonable Newsbleep 005: Daily Horrors.

[ intro ]

Host: Invented by Celtic pagans – there’s a shocker-, All Hallowed-Out Eve, or Halloween, has seen common citizens commit ordinarily socially unacceptable acts of abuse upon others. And while some people would consider every episode of Newsbleep to be a socially unacceptable act of abuse [ ba dum ching ], this episode proves to be even more so. Err… umm… Anyway, in preparation for this festive time, Newsbleep commissioned an evocative news piece bravely titled, My Gravest Days. It’s author, sadly unknown, employed a very special vocal technique known as “scary voice” in pointing out the horrors of his daily life. Don’t let it scare you, too much.

[ My Gravest Days; music: Pleasure Forever – This Is The Zodiac Speaking ]

Host: My god. I haven’t been that afraid of something people see everyday since Michael Jackson took his mask off. [ ba dum ching ] All joking aside, every good horror movie has that firm nugget of comedy at it’s core, something to lighten the mood before its terrifying gory ending. Cue our parody of Bryce Rausch’s vblog, Traffic Talk!

[ Car Confabulation; music: none ]

Host: Boy, after doing all that humorous parody, you’d think we’d be pretty satired! [ ba dum ching ] Some would say that laughter is man’s greatest mystery, but the fellas in this next segment would beg to differ. They spend their ghoulish days haunting cemeteries trying to spook up some specters to study. [ crickets ] Anyway, you may remember our version of Ghost Stalkers in episode 002, but now you’ll meet the real thing in Ghost Stalkers (For Reals).

[ Ghost Stalkers (For Reals); music: grubspoon – Monster]

Reporter: Thanks, MC^2
Host: Hold on just a moment, Jerry. Um, what’s the deal? You’re supposed to be in the cemetery.
Reporter: My cameraman …
Host: Let me stop you right there. I don’t know Spanish. I trust you’ll still turn in a decent report. Please, continue.
Reporter: I’m glad you asked…

[ credits; music: Trembling Blue Stars – The Ghost Of An Unkissed Kiss ]

I’m a mac, linux, and Adobe Photoshop.

Pleasure Forever – This Is The Zodiac Speaking (
grubspoon – Monster (
Trembling Blue Stars – The Ghost Of An Unkissed Kiss (