I think I should write a children’s book. I wouldn’t want to spin a yarn on those tired, old children’s book topics like animals or numbers. I’d want to tackle the big items, like life and death. Something meaty (pun). I think that the sooner kids are exposed to these horrifying truths, the better they get at mastering and overcoming them.
For instance, my book would be called, “Do Penguins Dream?” and the subtitle would be “As the arctic winds lull their quickly dying bodies to Hell?” It teaches at least three important lessons: penguins might dream, the arctic is cold, and all penguins go to Hell. What child wouldn’t relish a lesson like that?
(Note: the lesson that “penguins go to Hell” is more of a religious question. For atheistic or agnostic parents, the word “Hell” can be replaced with “Cleveland” or another far off, undesirable location that makes the children squirm a little. Also, penguins go to Hell because animals shouldn’t wear clothes.)