Newsbleep

I think, if I had a choice, I’d opt for the renegade ambulance driver. My life being on the line is not the time for following all the rules of the road. Rather, it’s the time for cutting corners, speeding, and ramping off other cars on a collision course for the hospital. Plus, the more people who become injured along the way, the more company I have. This philosophy is why I stay on the lookout for badly damaged ambulances. I think, “That’s the crew I want coming for me,” and I give them a little love tap with my car.

I’m not one to validate Eiffel 65, but “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” had a lot of truth in it.

That group could have been its generation’s Beatles.

I heard that animals and children like routine, so I bet Daylight Savings Time really messes with both of them. Children will eventually get used to it, but animals will always be thrown for a loop. I can just see those squirrels and grackles sitting in their ivory towers, laughing to themselves. “Oh, boy! The humans are so late for human-work today! Ha-ha!” Then we step confidently out of our houses, arriving to work on time. If there was less of a language barrier, I would cry, “I’m exactly on time, squirrels and grackles!” as I danced to my car. That would really stick in their craws.

I think one of the most comforting things about really old artwork is that people back then walked around naked all the time, too. Still, I think ancient art classes had to pay models for their time and energy. It probably took longer, too, because you couldn’t “take a picture, whydoncha”. If only those first nude models had any idea how many millions of people would be seeing their “art supplies” throughout history, they probably would have rethought that half credit towards their art major.

I think discovering that your first born child is the Anti-Christ would be hard. It would probably be harder if you were religious. It would be even harder if you were Christian. And it would probably be most hard if you were the actual Christ. If you were the actual Christ, and your child was the Anti-Christ, you’d probably relate with other parents really easily. At least, from what I hear.

If you weren’t religious, you’d probably be, like, “Whatever. We’ll just stay away from the Christs from now on. Big loss.”

I think audiobooks should be way cheaper. Like, by half, at least.